


Sunshine and Cotton Days

by ranguvar82



Series: Silence and Strength [13]
Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Introspection, POV Crowley (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:21:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22965325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ranguvar82/pseuds/ranguvar82
Summary: Some days are better than others. Some days are worse.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: Silence and Strength [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1630903
Comments: 6
Kudos: 153





	Sunshine and Cotton Days

Sunshine and Cotton Days

Some days are better than others. There are days where he can almost... _almost_ forget the horrors he endured while in Hell. Days where he can even look back on his time in Heaven without having an episode. These are days where he and Aziraphale can both go into town, and he can almost... _almost_ let the villagers touch his arm gently, or shake his hand. He still winces from reflex, but on these days, it’s easier.

Those are the days when he works in his garden, Treble winding around his heels and chasing after lizards and bugs. He strips off his shirt, letting the sun warm his scars, and for a fleeting moment he feels the warmth of his Mother’s love.

Those are the days when he shows his affection much differently than usual. Days when he hugs, rather than clings. Days when simply being in the presence of his angel is enough. He can sit next to his love, breathing in his scent, and that is enough to keep him here, keep him grounded. A touch of a hand, the brushing of fingers on his arm.

Those are the days when he laughs more, smiles easier, and the world seems to be as beautiful as a place as his angel believes it to be.

But then there are days when everything is overwhelming. Where he feels as though cotton wool has been stuffed into his ears, reducing everything to a hum that presses into his soul. Where he can’t focus, and his hands want to scratch, and claw, and rend.

Those are days when even the smallest touch will send him into a gasping, gibbering panic, curling up on himself as he relives the torments. Where he can’t even glance upwards without a major panic attack. Where he can’t set foot outside without collapsing. Where he cannot look in a mirror without wanting to vomit at the scarred monstrosity that is reflected back.

Those are days when the voice inside him whispers that sooner or later, Aziraphale is going to tire of his histrionics and leave him, that he’s only staying out of pity, that nobody, least of all an angel, could love the broken, vile thing that he is.

(He had a day like that last week, when Michael had come by.)

And through it all, through the sunshine days, and the cotton days, and all the days between, his angel is there.

During the sunshine days, Aziraphale will hold him close, whisper sweet nothings in his ear as they exchange soft kisses and caresses. Aziraphale will tell him how lovely he is, what a bright and clever demon he is, tell him how deeply he is loved. He will wind himself around his angel, not wanting to miss any point of contact. They exchange loving banter, get drunk and laugh, and spend the night in each others’ arms.

During the cotton days, Aziraphale will gently touch his arm, speaking softly, telling him there’s nothing to be afraid of, that Aziraphale will never leave him, that he is safe, and loved. Aziraphale will let him set the pace. It may take minutes before he’s ready for more than just the brush of a finger, it may take hours. When he finally works up the courage to wind around his love, Aziraphale will stroke his spine, and whisper how proud he is.

There are sunshine days and cotton days, but so long as Crowley has his Aziraphale, he can face them all.


End file.
